This Is Not What I Pictured. Should I Be Worried?

Tomorrow, I meet with the "We Are Home" people to see if I qualify for any loans or grants from the Community Foundation that are being given out by the city. Maybe it's bad manners to mention specific amounts of money, but I've been known to talk too much, and I did promise honesty! I'm going to need at least $15,000 above what I got from FEMA just to pay my contractor. (And I got the max from FEMA!) They expect us to have all of this paperwork that most of us lost in the flood, but I'm finding what I can. I'm just praying I get some of that money. I don't know how they'll decide who gets what, because there definitely isn't enought to go around. I've been stressed about this meeting for a week, and today, it totally took over. My stomach has been very upset, and I am probably the grouchiest, most unreasonable person on the planet Earth. I yelled at my kids, I yelled at my poor brother-in-law about the bank he used to work for! Then my contractor called to prepare me for the fact that more payments are coming due. He said, bless his heart, "Don't worry about money right this minute." If I got payed to worry about money, I'd be soooo rich! Frankly, I'd be soooo rich if I got payed to worry, period. Worry is my middle name. My favorite children's book is "Wimberly Worried" by Kevin Henkes. My parents should have named me Wimberly! I worry so much that it's just a way of life, so I don't even feel overly stressed by it, usually.
I talked to a friend today, and we were sort of bemoaning our financial woes and job, or lack of job, situations. I said, "This sure isn't where I pictured myself at forty (which I am NOT until August 23)." She agreed, and I got to thinking about how I wonder if any of us are where we pictured ourselves. It's amazing how, ten years ago, I thought everything would be totally different than it is now. Sure, I was in an unhappy marriage, but we would fix that! We would be financially stable with a country club membership, and I would be shuffling the girls around to all of their "well-rounded" high school activities in my Volvo SUV. Guess what? You can't fix anyone but yourself, I'm not one bit financially stable, and I wouldn't be even if there wasn't a flood. Also, my girls aren't big into 'joining" the "well-rounded" high school activities, and that Volvo SUV would just about pay for the re-build of my home! So I guess I'm just not "living the dream." Who is, really? Even if you are, is it the dream you pictured ten years ago? I am where I am, and I'm not going to have the life I pictured, but I will still turn forty.
It might look like some people have it all, but who's to say what they have is what they pictured ten years ago.
So.....here's where I am today: totally stressed out about the meeting tomorrow because "worry " is my middle name. I'm also trying to love the life I have every day, because it's the only one I have! I've also learned that, while it's okay to dream of your wonderful picturesque future, don't be surprised when ten years from now, you're not where you pictured yourself. Maybe your life will be even better than you imagined! We'll talk about this again when I turn 50!