Update

Update on the house: It looked like the drywall was almost finished when we were there yesterday, and the new kitchen ceiling is in.

Update on my life: I had a fun weekend getaway with my friends Angie, Beth, Deborah, Elizabeth, Linda, and Sheryl. (In alphabetical order so that nobody gets offended) We spent Saturday afternoon and night at mom's cabin, eating, drinking, playing Scrabble and watching funny DVDs. Scrabble does not come easily to me when I've been drinking, and I'm proud to say I had the lowest score. We shared much laughter and got little sleep, but it was so wonderful to get away for a short time! I think I gained 5 pounds and Sunday brought a headache and nausea, but it was all worth it. It's been too long since I had so much fun!

Now, I mostly live in my car. I drive 30 minutes to the girls' school and 30 minutes back twice on a good day, some days more. Cab driving is not for me. I get lonely in the car. We are all looking forward to a long weekend! I'm going to wear this car out, soon! Thank goodness for good books and good music!

Nothing more fascinating to report. The highlight of my day is usually falling into bed!

Suck It Up, Drama Queen

I guess to understand this post, you need to know where the title started. When I was learning to drive, my mother would make me pull over if I got upset. "You're too emotional to drive. Pull over." I found myself riding with an emotional teenager, recently. She felt that I was being a bit over-ly corrective. I feel that I was trying to save myself from a certain death. You can probably guess that we were both right! As she began to cry and insist that she wanted to stop, I realized that there was no place to pull over, and there was a car behind her. At that moment, I realized that, sometimes, you can't pull over when you are "too emotional to drive." In what was not my kindest parenting moment, I said, "Suck it up, drama queen, we can't just stop in the middle of the road." I'm sure I have no idea where she gets her flair for the dramatic!

Now I find myself wanting to stop my journey in the middle of the road. A lot of bad things have happened in the past year, and I feel like, for the most part, I've been a pretty good sport. Chin up, keep smiling, and all of that crap. I've shared my job hunting trials with you, so you know how difficult that has been. In July, I was offered a position as a floater 2 days a week at Parent's Day Out at our church. It was only part time, and would not come close to paying the bills, but as I continued to search for a job, I felt, at the very least, I had this to look forward to, and boy was I looking forward to it! Yesterday, the interim director called with an option to start in September (next week!!!), and I was soooooo excited. Just to have something to do and a purpose for a couple of days a week was thrilling. Then, I was told that after September, they don't need me for the rest of the year. Only I can lose a job I haven't even started! To say that I was disappointed is an understatement. Discouraged doesn't begin to describe it either. My house may never be finished because I don't have any idea where the final $15,000 to pay the contractor is going to come from, but I was just holding onto the idea that I had a small job in October. A small light at the end of the tunnel. Now it's gone, and I truly find myself in a crisis of faith. It may seem stupid, but I needed this one little accomplishment. Now, God and I are not really on speaking terms. The whole chain of events leading up to this job position disappearing have had me questioning God. It's not that I just HAD to work at Parent's Day Out, it's that I actually had some kind of job, any kind of job, and now I'm back to square one. I scrambled up the edge of this cliff, finally found a foothold, and somebody put their head on my forehead and pushed me back down. I'm not sure I want to try to climb up again.

Am I a drama queen? Absolutely! Does this mean my feelings aren't real? No. So if you are on speaking terms with God, maybe you could ask Him to hurry up and open a window now that He's closed this door. If everything happens for a reason and God has perfect timing, then I would ask that this reason and timing show itself soon, because, I'm beginning to believe these things aren't true.

Tubs, Tile, and Filling The Hours

Well, school has started again, I've successfully crossed over into the next decade of my life without losing more memory than I've already lost or breaking my hip. Now I just continue with the job search and talk to the contractor, and pay him. The bathtubs are in, and the drywall is pretty much up. Next comes the tiling. I'll try to get pictures of the progress posted, soon! When I went by the house today, my mother had already started moving us back in by dropping off a patio chair and table. Do you think she's trying to tell us something? :)

With the girls back in school, I am just trying to find productive ways to fill my day until I find a job. I will work two days a week at Parent's Day Out starting in October, but that won't pay the bills. I used to look forward to down time, but now I look forward to busy days. Loading and unloading the dishwasher and doing and folding laundry only takes up so much time. Since Ashton doesn't have her license yet, Sunday's are pretty much spent driving back and forth to church and Ashton's dance lessons and back to church. There's football on Friday nights, and Lofton's soccer on Saturday Now, to fill the hours between 7:00 a.m. drop-off and 3:05 pick-up. Soon Donna will have her baby, and I can go love on that sweetie in the daytime and spend special time with the big brother.

A Flood Can Never Wash Away My Friend Collection

First, I don't know who wrote all of that yesterday. Somebody must have hacked into my blog! :) Today, I'm not such a jerk!

It's actually been quite a trip down memory lane, today and tonight. A friend posted some facebook pics of Belmont, back in "the day." Good grief, our hair and clothes......all I can say is, you could switch up the faces in any of those pictures with mine, and it would be me! What were we thinking? What I see is that all of the stuff I accumulated, and lost is nothing compared to the friends I've accumulated and kept. I've known my friend Sharron for 32 years! Tiffany is a close second at 29 years, Jeanette and Brenda for 22, Elizabeth for 19. Then I've got great friends that I've only known for a short time, with some of my best friends right there in the middle! I've known my mom my whole life and my sisters and daughters for all of their lives! Does having such friends from so long ago make me feel old? No, just lucky. These friends will never be swept away in bad weather, and with each new year of my life, I plan to keep adding to the group! You can never have too many friends. The girl scout song is wrong, one isn't silver, while the other is gold. They are all more precious than gold, and I thank God for them every day.

Post Traumatic Sress Disorder, Anyone?

This is a big rain we've had over the past 24 hours. It has not rained no-stop, and it is nowhere near what we had on May 1 and 2. Still, after being grateful for the first hour of it, yesterday afternoon, I was not feeling quite so comfortable by 11:00 p.m. last night. It's not the thunder and lightening that get to me, it's the sound of the unrelenting rain. Then you watch the news today, and you see that some schools are letting out early due to flooded roads. Flash flood warnings are everywhere, and I don't ignore those anymore. Frankly, I'd rather my house flood again right now, while I haven't spent all my money to re-build, than have it flood once we get back in there and develop an attachment to it.

I find myself to be so grouchy on rainy days, now. I HATE being grouchy. Seems like everyone would, but some people don't seem to mind it. I prefer to smile and laugh, not bite off every body's head, complain, and feel very tempted to climb back into bed. I blame this grouchiness on this being the last day before school starts, allergies, inability to go to the pool, but the truth is, the rain scares me. I guess it will for a while. Soon enough, I'll be distracted by other happy things and feel safe again that rain won't wash away everything I own. Hopefully some man will come along like in Eat, Pray, Love, and say "You don't need a man, you need a champion." Then I'll be laughing my head off, because what man ever really says things like that??? Seriously, that would be very distracting. :)

SWAT Team Update

Just an update on our neighborhood SWAT team situation. Apparently, a man barricaded himself inside his house and refused to come out. When did that become illegal? I'm sure I would do that if I could, and if I do, PLEASE do not call the police. I am not a danger to myself or others. I'll probably just be taking a hot bath.

Nothing Big To Report

Things seem to be rolling along with the re-build. Today, I was grateful not to be home when I saw on the news that the SWAT team had the road blocked off. I figure somebody just snapped and was holding a FEMA inspector hostage until they got more money. Actually, I haven't heard the whole story as to what really happened, but I'm sure it will be on the news tonight, and it won't be as good what I think happened.

I spent today recovering from the weekend which was busier than a normal week, even when I worked full time. There are two more days until the girls go back to school, and we have to start getting up at 6:00 a.m. Both girls have expressed regret that we aren't back in the house before school starts. They don't care if we get a break on our property taxes if we don't move back in until September 1st. The ETA is September 30, but we'll see. I'd really like to be in before Christmas! :) There won't be room for Jennifer and her boys if we're still here.

That's all for today, maybe something exciting and or reportable will happen tomorrow. I don't know if it will be more exciting than the SWAT team, though.

Don King, The Inspector

The inspector from the "We Are Home" program came to survey my damage, today, and report my losses in order to get an idea of what kind of grant or loan I might qualify for. Let me tell you, I use the term "inspector" very loosely! He looked like Don King with a baseball hat on, and apparently the job requirements are asking scripted questions and knowing how to use a tape measure. The first thing he said was, "Let's see what was damaged." "Everything," Mark and I said in unison. Thank goodness Mark (our contractor) was there to help answer the questions. It was a huge comedy of errors. He asked questions, we answered, he didn't understand the answers if they didn't fit into the form that the manual he memorized questions and answers from, and on and on it went. The final question was "Do you want money to cover the replacement of your doors?" WHAT???? No, I'll use my $2 million dollar trust fund for the doors, just help me out with everything else. Of course I want money to replace the doors! On a scale of one to ten in the how much rolling of the eyes can I do, this was about a 15. Yes, I do realize that I'm an eye-roller. I know it's rude, and I try to keep myself out of situations where I might do it, but most of the time it can't be avoided. I get it from my father. Mark is an eye-roller, too, so the guy was probably afraid he would catch something from us or that we were having some kind of fits due to exposure to the flood waters. Mark, Jr. walked in in the middle of this bewildering event, and just looked at all three of us like we were crazy. Naturally, the guy couldn't tell me if or when they will decide to help me out. I'm still feeling positive about it, though. At least there is a program, and that's the first step.

Refugee Reunion

We had, what Addie calls, a "refugee reunion" today. I took the girls to the movies, and Scott, who housed us after the flood, dropped his daughter Ashley and Susie's daughter Laura off to join us. The girls became a close foursome during our time together. Naturally, it stormed while we were together. Fortunately, we were in the movie for most of it, so the usual anxiety did not take hold. Ignorance is bliss. I couldn't help but think how swollen the creeks were after only two hours of rain. I'm sure I'm more sensitive to it, and all of this was normal, but I keep wondering how we can know this won't happen again for 500 or 1,000 years. The truth is, we can't know. Scary stuff! We'll just pray a lot and try to have faith.

All in all, it was a good day, and a fun time! The rain cooled us off by twenty degrees, and that felt wonderful!

I Dreamed A Dream In Time Gone By

In the interest of brutal honesty, I find myself really down as forty races toward me. I have always thought it sad and strange when people seem down about turning another year older, but now I identify. Am I more down due to the flood? I don't know. I will never know how I would feel if we hadn't lost our home. It's part of our story now, part of what is. I can never say what would have happened if we had been spared the high water. What makes me sad about turning 40 is that I am not anywhere close to where I dreamed that I would be. Some say they do not remember wondering if they had met their life's goals as the years went by, but I would say that you only think about it and feel sad if you are NOT where you'd like to be.

Sure, not many of us are living the life we thought we'd be living 20 years ago, but different isn't always negative. Some people are doing better than they expected. Can you imagine how many firefighters, policemen, ballerinas, and princesses we would have if our exact dreams had come true? So, different isn't what's getting me down. It's okay that my marriage didn't turn out to be what I dreamed. I made peace with that many years ago, even before it "officially" ended. Here's what feels a bit negative to me: I have no career or financial security, no partner to spend the rest of my life with,and I live with my parents. Hopefully, all of this is temporary, but right now I feel like a huge loser. I've been encouraged to look to the future, and make my plans for the next 20 years, and, don't worry, I have. I still have hope, and that's what will get me through this milestone. That doesn't stop me from worrying that I will be alone at 60 with no kind man by my side who thinks I hung the moon and loves me more than anybody else, or that I won't be able to take care of myself financially.

I know this is a downer post, but it's honest, and I'm not always inclined to look on the bright side. (Just most of the time.)

Lofton Puts It Into Perspective

I got to see things from a different perspective this afternoon. I took Lofton, my 3 year-old nephew, to see "Mr. Vick" building the walls in the house. It was really interesting to see his excitement over the construction instead of the devastation that we see as grown-ups. I should look at it his way every time, because it is exciting to see the progress. When we went into my room, he asked, "what is this?" I said, "This is Aunt Sissy's room. Remember, the bed was right here." He asked, "Where is it now?" I just told him I was getting a new bed. When we got home, after our trip to the ice cream store, he put his hard hat and his Home Depot apron on, and pretended to build things around the house.

It's been kind of a down day for many reasons. Coming home to Nashville, but not going home, after vacation has been difficult for me. There has been a tragic turn of events in the lives of people that I care for. I really appreciate having good friends who are willing to stop in the middle of their busy lives to go out to dinner with me and make me laugh. Life is full of blessings, and sometimes a pre-school aged child sees them more clearly than I do.

Surprise Me!

The dry-wall started going up today! It will be nice to have walls again. It's time to start making those decisions that are better left to the grown-ups, like bathtubs, fixtures, cabinets, etc. As I look around, I realize that I am the grown-up. How and when did this happen? I certainly don't feel equipped for this, but I can't just let somebody else decide for me, can I? Thank goodness Donna likes to pick these things out. Maybe she can be the grown-up. I still haven't gotten over my trip to the appliance store, and they had a package picked out for me. All I had to do was decide on the color, and I've already changed my mind about that. How much longer do you think I can pretend to know what I'm doing? For some reason, saying, "Surprise me," to the contractor seems like a bad idea in this situation, but it is tempting.

It has been an adjustment being home from vacation. The long drive took its toll on all of us, and I have been especially tired. That mixed with some very sad news has brought me down a little today. We did have a wonderful dinner of fried corn, cucumbers and onion, tomatoes, green beans, and fried chicken cheered us all up! I promise that I am not an emotional eater, but farm grown veggies are always good for the spirit. Still, it would have been lovely to have awoken on Hilton Head and had a day of sun and a good book. It's definitely much hotter here, which seems a little surprising, but it was cooler closer to the ocean.

Last Day On The Big Tennis Shoe

We're definitely not a two week vacation family. We could become one if money permitted, but we'd probably have that bumpy day in the middle of the two weeks, like the one that we always have at the end of extended time together. Yesterday, everyone was a bit grumpy. I guess, we all tried to cram the end of vacation into one day. (Kind of doing that again today, but hopefully, yesterday was the hard day.) At least two of us ended up in tears at one point, maybe there were more, but I only know of two. There was a bit of exhaustion and snapping at one another involved. I hate to say it, but golf was taken out of the equation today, which will most likely help, over all, but there is one Papa who might be in tears.

We moved out of our very own place this morning, and will share with Donna and James for the last day and night. That was sort of a bummer to say goodbye to my favorite condo here. The pool over there is better, and less crowded. We had a huge thunderstorm last night, which was quite amazing to watch, but I still sense the stress in my daughters when the weather turns bad. Addie said she had heard a man on the beach say that a hurricane was coming. I assured her that we would be long gone before a hurricane hit, and that Hilton Head is rarely hit full on by hurricanes. We watched the weather, and I showed them how far away any tropical storms were. Honestly, though, I was just glad we were on the second floor, and that we didn't own that condo. The sun is out today, and we are all enjoying our last day!

Now for good news from Nashville: We passed the framing inspection, and dry-wall can begin on Monday! Of course, with progress, there must be another payment made. Hopefully I can swing this one! It is nice to have good news to come home to. It will be hard to leave this island shaped like a tennis shoe. It would be even harder if it were shaped like a flip-flop!

Shannon Tanner and "Blankies"

Best family vacation ever!!! We went to our traditional Fudrucker's dinner and Shannon Tanner show. As he was singing, he pointed out a little girl with her blankie, and I found another thing to be grateful for. We were able to get both girls' blankets and bunnies, Emma Bean and Mr. Fluffles out of the house. When Scott Lewis went back to take my grandmother's pie safe to storage, he found the knotted scrap of Addie's original blanket that I had put in there for safekeeping. He said, "I knew this was something important." Oh, how important, more to me than to her! (She lost it once, and probably would not have been so upset if I had not been freaking out like a lunatic.) Tonight, I am thankful for Shannon Tanner and blankies!

Half Empty, Half Full? It's Just A Glass With Some Stuff In It

We are halfway through our wonderful vacation. I'm torn between looking forward to the next three days, and dreading leaving in three days! Don't ask me if I'm a glass half empty of half full kind of person, because I can't tell you. I'm both, on a pretty equal basis. I drank half the juice, but I have half of it left to drink! I'm trying not to get that "Sunday night" feeling until we have to pack up on Saturday night.

We are having a blast! We celebrated Lofton's 3rd birthday last night with our whole family and Lofton's God-parents from Charlotte, NC and his cousins in their family. It was a load of kids, and you can never be around too many kids! I guess that's the teacher in me, but it keeps me young. In 19 days, I will be celebrating a big birthday.....25!! Just kidding, I'll be 40 this year. We've been coming to Hilton Head for twenty years. I cannot believe I have lived so long, and I sure don't feel 39 years and 346 days old. It's been so great to just have family dinners each night. We all take turns cooking. Tomorrow night is the big night out: Shannon Tanner at Shelter Cove and dinner at Fudrucker's. Shannon Tanner is a tradition from my girls' childhood, and somehow, within the last 5 years, Fudrucker's has become a tradition. Gigi and Papa get a night off.

I heard from the "We Are Home" people who are offering grants and loans from the city of Nashville. They're coming by to inspect the damage next Friday. I have my fingers crossed that they will help fill the gap that is left after the FEMA money. Please let the city of Nashville follow through on this!!!

Television, Big Bathtubs, And Wine

We're on a real vacation from our troubles, here! I've hardly thought about the flood, at least not in a sad way. We did laugh about Ashton's new bowling ball washed away in the flood. (She's on the bowling team at school, and received one as a gift.) Did it sink or did it float? There were no holes drilled in it, yet. After all, the fridge was floating, as was the coffee table and one of the sofas. It's a real science question. What do you think?

We have so much space that we aren't using all of it. We're used to being in smaller quarters. My bathtub here is bigger than my walk-in closet at our house! That's another thing I've been wondering this week; should I get a cot in my bedroom, and use the rest of the space for a giant bathtub when we re-build that room????? Or maybe we could build some kind of bathtub that converts to a bed for sleeping. The pool under the gym floor in "It's A Wonderful Life" springs to mind. I wonder if Mark can do that? Here's a true confession: if I leave the bathroom doors open, I can watch television from the tub in my room here. Now, that truly is my fantasy come to life. Who wouldn't be relaxed watching silly television shows, drinking a glass of wine, and soaking in a hot bath? I also read in there, for those of you judging my television watching! If you are judging my wine consumption, I'll quote one of my favorite Miranda Lambert songs. "I heard Jesus, He drank wine, and I'll bet we'd get along just fine. If He could calm a storm and heal the blind, I bet He'd understand a heart like mine."

I'm in a place where I go to sleep when I want, wake up when I want, eat when I get hungry, and never know what time it is, nor do I care. I can walk down the stairs and I'm at the pool. I can walk across the street and I'm on the beach. Why would I want to leave? (I'm not big about the beach, though. I hate getting sand all over everything. I just like to look at it and walk on it.) Maybe the police will have to drag me out of here kicking and screaming. I know, I know, I'm not a rule breaker, but I just might snap! We'll have to see.......for now, I'm off to take a bath and enjoy a glass of wine!