Suck It Up, Drama Queen

I guess to understand this post, you need to know where the title started. When I was learning to drive, my mother would make me pull over if I got upset. "You're too emotional to drive. Pull over." I found myself riding with an emotional teenager, recently. She felt that I was being a bit over-ly corrective. I feel that I was trying to save myself from a certain death. You can probably guess that we were both right! As she began to cry and insist that she wanted to stop, I realized that there was no place to pull over, and there was a car behind her. At that moment, I realized that, sometimes, you can't pull over when you are "too emotional to drive." In what was not my kindest parenting moment, I said, "Suck it up, drama queen, we can't just stop in the middle of the road." I'm sure I have no idea where she gets her flair for the dramatic!

Now I find myself wanting to stop my journey in the middle of the road. A lot of bad things have happened in the past year, and I feel like, for the most part, I've been a pretty good sport. Chin up, keep smiling, and all of that crap. I've shared my job hunting trials with you, so you know how difficult that has been. In July, I was offered a position as a floater 2 days a week at Parent's Day Out at our church. It was only part time, and would not come close to paying the bills, but as I continued to search for a job, I felt, at the very least, I had this to look forward to, and boy was I looking forward to it! Yesterday, the interim director called with an option to start in September (next week!!!), and I was soooooo excited. Just to have something to do and a purpose for a couple of days a week was thrilling. Then, I was told that after September, they don't need me for the rest of the year. Only I can lose a job I haven't even started! To say that I was disappointed is an understatement. Discouraged doesn't begin to describe it either. My house may never be finished because I don't have any idea where the final $15,000 to pay the contractor is going to come from, but I was just holding onto the idea that I had a small job in October. A small light at the end of the tunnel. Now it's gone, and I truly find myself in a crisis of faith. It may seem stupid, but I needed this one little accomplishment. Now, God and I are not really on speaking terms. The whole chain of events leading up to this job position disappearing have had me questioning God. It's not that I just HAD to work at Parent's Day Out, it's that I actually had some kind of job, any kind of job, and now I'm back to square one. I scrambled up the edge of this cliff, finally found a foothold, and somebody put their head on my forehead and pushed me back down. I'm not sure I want to try to climb up again.

Am I a drama queen? Absolutely! Does this mean my feelings aren't real? No. So if you are on speaking terms with God, maybe you could ask Him to hurry up and open a window now that He's closed this door. If everything happens for a reason and God has perfect timing, then I would ask that this reason and timing show itself soon, because, I'm beginning to believe these things aren't true.